The Nonconformist

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:2)

I had to start with the verse on this one because if you read what I’m about to say first, you might judge me. I don’t blame you. I judge me, too.

I conformed to the pattern of this world for a long time. (Little secret, it’s still pretty hard not to.)

And while I was chasing attention and fun and the easy way out of bad decisions (and not finding any of that), God’s will seemed to be ever-elusive.

Had an affair with a married man, check.

Got pregnant, check.

Married someone I’d just met, check.

Divorced shortly after, check.

Struggled as a single mom, check.

Married again, check.

Divorced again, check.

And those are just the easy-to-sum-up bad decisions.

It was almost dying that allowed God to transform me.

Not overnight. The renewing of my mind took a long time. In fact, I’ll let you know when it’s done.

But I am learning.

That I haven’t veered so far away from God’s will that He’s given up on me.

That going left when I should have gone right doesn’t mean I need to backtrack. (It’s fairly impossible to do so, actually.)

That I didn’t mess up His plans A, B, C, D, and E, and now I have to settle for plan F.

That every morning I wake up and pray—God, I’m Yours. Use me—I am in His will for my life.

And I am not powerful enough to throw Him off course.